If I don't do it now

As one approaches 62, all manner of thoughts begin to swirl around in one's greying head. There are the normal "getting older" thoughts like, "who IS that in the mirror?", or the uncomfortable feeling you get at the grocery when the 10 year old checkout boy looks at you as if you weren't there. It's hard to explain how crummy it feels to be invisible, you will just have to get older to understand that one.

There are, too, the wonderful, "I am so glad I did that" thoughts, the "I'll pass on that, thank you" thoughts, the "slowing down is kinda fun" thoughts, the "let's stay home tonight" thoughts, and lots of others that make getting older just fine. Then, there are the "if I don't do this now, I'll never have the chance" thoughts. Those can be extremely motivating. The idea that I will never have a pony tail again if I don't start one now has inspired me to persevere through all the shaggy hair days ahead in the hope I'll soon enjoy that ever-stylish, maintenance- free pony tail I wore in my forties. With the help of headbands, barrettes, bobby pins and clips I resolve to see this dream become a reality. If, when I reach my goal, I discover it's not all that it was cracked up to be, I'll whack it off, but I will never have to say, "if only."

I have much bigger dreams for my future, of course. Maybe the dream of growing old with a ponytail will serve to remind me along the way that "the longest journey begins with the first step." There are much greater decisions to make as a person reaches the last third of life- decisions that can affect the quality of his life and everyone in it, for that matter.
I want to reach the end still resolving, still trying, still hoping and still smiling.

"Even the woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head and keeps pecking away until he finishes the job he starts." Coleman Cox

He is going to hate this!

Every so often there comes a time when you just have to do what you have to do. I have to write about my number one passion even though he (the subject of this passion) will not like it for he NEVER wants attention drawn to himself. (He doesn't even want me to have a funeral service for him if that gives you a better picture.) The beautiful part is that I know he will forgive me for this little blog-for he has forgiven me for far more. I love that about him.

This #1 is Phil, my husband of 40, yes, 40 years. When I first met him, August 14, 1968, I knew, I just knew that he would be the reason I would no longer want to live for myself. And, as it turned out, he felt the same- I love that about him. I won't bore you with everything I love about the man, for I have to honor his feelings. So, in light of that, I will be more brief than I really want to.

We call him "a rock." He has never failed to be 100% there for me and our children when we have needed him, I love that about him. I can be cheesy, emotional, dorky, unattractive, pouty or dramatic and he still likes me. In his eyes, I never have "a bad hair day." I do love that about him. He loves the Lord, loves his children and grandchildren, loves to be at "the camp" more than anywhere on earth, always cheers for the underdog, always tells the truth, and his love is a tender power that makes me better than I am. You have to love that about him. These quotes are just for him--that big guy I'm ever grateful for.

"In thy face I see the map of honor, truth and loyalty." Shakespeare

"To put yourself in second place is the whole significance of life." Roberts

"Familiar acts are beautiful through love." Shelley

"Can't help lovin' that man 'o mine." Rogers & Hammerstein

"God's glory is on tour in the skies..."

My favorite version of Psalm 19 is in The Message. It says, "God's glory is on tour in the skies, God- craft on exhibit across the horizon. Madame Day holds classes every morning, Professor Night lectures each evening...." George Washington Carver said, "I love to think of Nature as an unlimited broadcasting station, through which God speaks to us every hour if we will only tune in." He has designed the world we live in to proclaim Himself in all He has made. This proclamation serves to remind me and comfort me that He is everywhere, and has even me and mine smack in the middle of His radar screen. His majesty, His power, His beauty, His faithfulness and His love are paraded in the skies, the water and the earth, even in a lowly pack of Zinnia seeds, or the wren's nest hidden in our window box.

When I find myself in need of a little encouragement from God that He is firmly and sovereignly holding this world together when it seems like it is falling apart, a great part of the encouragement I receive is from"considering the worlds His hands have made." I am ever grateful for that.

"Earth's crammed with Heaven, and every bush afire with God." Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"Nature is the living, visible garment of God." Van Goethe

"Beauty is God's handwriting." Charles Kingsley

When a child is born, so are grandmothers

MiMi, Tom, Sam, Peter, Phillip, and Joseph

What an incredibly hard thing it is to get six grandchildren, two who live hundreds of miles away, to be in one picture! I think this is the only one I have. So whether it is a good picture of them or not, I treasure it, as I do them. No one could have prepared me for what is means to be a grandmother, and if they tried I don't remember it having much impact on me.

Well, now I get it. I see that grandmothers and grandchildren are God's gift to each other. Just when I was feeling a little over the hill, here come sincere little people who truly like me no matter what, don't care about the "crinkles", think I'm worthy to be Lucy when we go to Narnia, Gandolf when we are in the Shire, Little John in Sherwood Forest, or Flounder when we go under the sea.

Grandchildren keep our hearts young. I cherish the opportunity God has given me to put whatever good things I can into them. I love the quote that says "Nobody can do for little children what a grandmother can--sprinkle a little star dust over their lives." But truly, it is Sam, Joseph, Tom, Phillip, MiMi and Peter who have sprinkled star dust into my life, and I pray it will never wear off.

"I wish I had the energy my grandchildren have, if only for self defense."

"Blessed be the ties that bind generations."

"Few things are more delightful that grandchildren fighting over your lap."

This is one of those days we've been waiting for!

"When you tickle the earth with a hoe she laughs with a harvest."

This morning I felt like laughing myself when we harvested our little pumpkin patch and our purple martin birdhouse gourds. What a joy to stand and relish the brilliant colors that the gourds, the zinnias and the pumpkins have delivered to our little corner of the world! We had hoped for at least 4 pumpkins so Tom, Phillip, MiMi and Peter could pick one out, but we even have enough for a pie or two.

This little harvest makes all the mosquito bites worth it. Next year when the purple martins come and make homes in our birdhouses, the mosquitoes will be the their entree, and we will have the satisfying experience of sitting in the evening and watching the martins swoop over our garden, dining on our sworn enemies.

"A thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest." William Blake

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant." Robert Lewis Stevenson

Six grandchildren later

Eleven years ago, when our first grandchild was born, I decided to paint his portrait when he turned three. Little did I know that I would paint five more little three year olds in hopes of freezing on canvas a tiny slice of their fleeting childhoods.

Sam, filling his bucket with sand, Joseph climbing rocks on the beach, Tom waging dinosaur battles, Phillip sailing the pirate seas, Peter setting up animal kingdoms, and MiMi snuggling with her "blankies"--these moments are captured and hanging on the walls of their homes.

I am grateful for the gift God has given me to paint. A sweet reward is that I had to study the tilt of their head, the special curve of their nose, the nape of their neck and the line of their little arms and legs, and because of that I will carry in my mind as well as my heart the way our precious grandchildren looked at three years old.

If anybody in our family decides to have another baby, let's hurry up, I'm not getting any younger!


Someone said, "A grandmother is a mother with a second chance." Ever grateful for that!

Sunday afternoon at home

I wrote a story once about our home, trying to express my feelings about the joy it gives me to be here, and the power of influence a home can have on anyone who walks in its doors. I sent this little story to a home magazine and got back a letter that said (in essence) that it was the "corniest" piece that they had ever received. From that I simply surmised that they had never been happy at home and didn't have a clue what I was talking about.

Goethe said "He is happiest, king or peasant, who finds happiness in his home." Today has been one of those "finding happiness" days for me. Phil and I watered and did a "10 minute tidy" in the garden. Butterflies swarmed the flowers as I lined up our first pumpkins on the picnic table, admiring them like grandchildren in a school pageant.

Someone said that fall is the best sniffing season, and today I sniffed to my heart's content that special smell that only fall can waft. After a shower and a great lunch of left-overs, we grabbed our books and snuggled down to read and "rest." We call it rest, but really it is drifting into a very deep and welcomed nap that can last for hours. We've pretty much got this rest thing down to a science. I awoke to the long-awaited sound of little splashes of rain in the old birdbath outside the window on my side of the bed. RAIN! we have prayed for it, and I nearly slept through it!

Home is where these very small everyday occurrences take on a much larger significance. These are the moments you need to squeeze all the joy from. I read today that home must not be just comfortable, but comforting. I take that statement to heart and challenge anyone who may happen upon this little "ode to home" to thrill at the possibilities of this truth.

I see that loving my home puts me in very good company:

"I had rather be on my farm at home than be the emperor of the world." George Washington

"There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort." Jane Austen

"Love begins by taking care of the closest ones--the ones at home." Mother Teresa