a morning well spent

I have been honored to spend the morning with a lovely young woman who has been a widow for a year. As she sat on my sofa and spilled out her mending heart, over and over there was a phrase I wanted to say to her, but refrained . Sharing the fears, the trials, the overwhelming 'aloneness' of a now single mom, I saw what she could not see. I saw her deep down strength and her honest but sometimes questioning faith holding her, binding her to her Savior with cords much stronger than she felt.
I saw my Clare a year down the road, saw with hope a fellow traveler who has also been forced to walk a very difficult path with no map and no seeming end, yet still putting one foot in front of the other keeping her eyes on the only compass there is in such a 'fog' as she called it--the person of Jesus, who IS our compass. Isn't He the only one who knows where He is leading us, and why?

Its funny how wonderful and appropriate children's literature can be in very grown up times. I wanted to say to her what Christopher Robin said to Winnie when Christopher had to go away. His words seemed so appropriate today. Words that I believe are true of all of us if we belong to Him. It is a paraphrase of "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we are not together, there is something you must always remember--you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we are apart, I'll always be with you."

I refrained from saying it for the same reason I refrain from saying it to Clare.
Now may not be the time-their pain, their grief, and their loss is too big to throw in quotes, and scriptures-however true. They must feel what they feel. Telling someone who feels so weak how 'strong' they are, puts a lot of pressure on a wounded soul. In God's good time and good grace, He will show them both whatever they need to know about Himself and the safe place He has for them and their children, yes, and even the place of joy they think they will never know again.
ever grateful for that

home again,home again, without the jiggedy jig

Oh, home. Most of my blogs in the past have been about how I love home. Home, with its comforts, "comfortableness", peace and its unique power to energize. I did find these same wonderful qualities awaiting us after such a long time away, but something is different. I am different. Places and their charms don't hold the same power for me. I do not think I will ever see my home as I always have. I know now, in a way I have never been able to grasp before, that the home that is truly mine, that I was created for, doesn't exist here on this planet.

Barry, our dear son-in-law, died on July 4th. For the last 5 weeks, Phil and I have been at Clare and Barry's home, doing whatever we could to ease the workload for Clare as she cared for, loved, and helped to make Barry's home-going as pain free as possible.

Words can't contain what this journey is teaching me. I'll have to marinate for a while in these rich lessons so that I may attempt to sort them out and share them. I do know that to go to the highest places with God, you have to go to the lowest places. To overcome pain, you have to embrace pain, and to overcome fear, you let God take you to those places you fear most, and let go and watch Him go to battle for you. All this new revelation comes from a person who has a PHD in Pain avoidance. No one has been more expert at keeping pain at bay than moi! The fruit of that avoidance has been a shallow understanding of the immense power of God's love and the instant connection available to me if I won't be so afraid of being broken.
It has been said of God's kingdom that it is an upside down one. RIGHT! Throw out all your preconceived certainties about being a child of God, hold on to your big hat, one that fits a big head if you have one like mine, and dare to let God do whatever He needs to do to show you His paths to joy...the "real McCoy" joy. Let me interject here that joy and happiness are two completely different animals.

I don't know much anymore. Phil always says now, "if there is one thing I know, it is that I don't know." I get it. But the one thing we are certain of now more than any other time in our lives, is that "love never fails." Opinions fail, head knowledge fails, even experience can't be banked on. But God, and God alone, does not disappoint when He is your only source of trust.
more later, maybe not....
grateful for the choice