a morning well spent

I have been honored to spend the morning with a lovely young woman who has been a widow for a year. As she sat on my sofa and spilled out her mending heart, over and over there was a phrase I wanted to say to her, but refrained . Sharing the fears, the trials, the overwhelming 'aloneness' of a now single mom, I saw what she could not see. I saw her deep down strength and her honest but sometimes questioning faith holding her, binding her to her Savior with cords much stronger than she felt.
I saw my Clare a year down the road, saw with hope a fellow traveler who has also been forced to walk a very difficult path with no map and no seeming end, yet still putting one foot in front of the other keeping her eyes on the only compass there is in such a 'fog' as she called it--the person of Jesus, who IS our compass. Isn't He the only one who knows where He is leading us, and why?

Its funny how wonderful and appropriate children's literature can be in very grown up times. I wanted to say to her what Christopher Robin said to Winnie when Christopher had to go away. His words seemed so appropriate today. Words that I believe are true of all of us if we belong to Him. It is a paraphrase of "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

"If ever there is a tomorrow when we are not together, there is something you must always remember--you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we are apart, I'll always be with you."

I refrained from saying it for the same reason I refrain from saying it to Clare.
Now may not be the time-their pain, their grief, and their loss is too big to throw in quotes, and scriptures-however true. They must feel what they feel. Telling someone who feels so weak how 'strong' they are, puts a lot of pressure on a wounded soul. In God's good time and good grace, He will show them both whatever they need to know about Himself and the safe place He has for them and their children, yes, and even the place of joy they think they will never know again.
ever grateful for that

home again,home again, without the jiggedy jig

Oh, home. Most of my blogs in the past have been about how I love home. Home, with its comforts, "comfortableness", peace and its unique power to energize. I did find these same wonderful qualities awaiting us after such a long time away, but something is different. I am different. Places and their charms don't hold the same power for me. I do not think I will ever see my home as I always have. I know now, in a way I have never been able to grasp before, that the home that is truly mine, that I was created for, doesn't exist here on this planet.

Barry, our dear son-in-law, died on July 4th. For the last 5 weeks, Phil and I have been at Clare and Barry's home, doing whatever we could to ease the workload for Clare as she cared for, loved, and helped to make Barry's home-going as pain free as possible.

Words can't contain what this journey is teaching me. I'll have to marinate for a while in these rich lessons so that I may attempt to sort them out and share them. I do know that to go to the highest places with God, you have to go to the lowest places. To overcome pain, you have to embrace pain, and to overcome fear, you let God take you to those places you fear most, and let go and watch Him go to battle for you. All this new revelation comes from a person who has a PHD in Pain avoidance. No one has been more expert at keeping pain at bay than moi! The fruit of that avoidance has been a shallow understanding of the immense power of God's love and the instant connection available to me if I won't be so afraid of being broken.
It has been said of God's kingdom that it is an upside down one. RIGHT! Throw out all your preconceived certainties about being a child of God, hold on to your big hat, one that fits a big head if you have one like mine, and dare to let God do whatever He needs to do to show you His paths to joy...the "real McCoy" joy. Let me interject here that joy and happiness are two completely different animals.

I don't know much anymore. Phil always says now, "if there is one thing I know, it is that I don't know." I get it. But the one thing we are certain of now more than any other time in our lives, is that "love never fails." Opinions fail, head knowledge fails, even experience can't be banked on. But God, and God alone, does not disappoint when He is your only source of trust.
more later, maybe not....
grateful for the choice

tender mercy

I do not have words adequate enough to explain the holiness and the sadness and the heart-hope of watching a precious family member slowly go from this life to the next.
Words fail when emotions are so varied, moment by moment. I know one thing for sure though, God is near, and He goes before us, He goes before Barry and we are not traveling this journey by ourselves.

Romans 8: 35-39 says:

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine or nakedness, or peril or sword?...yet in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nt things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created things, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
ever grateful for that!

leaving soon

Well, faithful few, soon I will be going to Mass. to stay with Clare, Barry and boys for long while. It seems a little strange watering my garden knowing I won't be here to see it come to fruition, yet I will have Clare's garden to enjoy and to watch unfold. I won't be here cooking for my "best eater" but I will have a house full of good eaters to satisfy. I can watch Clare's birds just outside her window, leaving mine here for Phil to enjoy. I'll watch Clare's chipmunks do their damage on her flower beds instead of watching them here, digging up my bulbs and hiding them under our porch sofa cushions!
Clare was distressed, thinking I was leaving "my life here", putting "my life on hold", and staying away so long. It was such a beautiful and peaceful revelation to my spirit to be able to say, "I am not putting my life on hold, this IS my life!" Whatever God puts before us each day, whatever unique way He wants us to serve Him, that is our real life. I was telling someone the other day in the midst of her mundane, everyday service to her family, "It may not look like a Billy Graham crusade over there to you, but it is the same to God."

So, I head North for a season of service and blessing. I fully anticipate it to be one of the hardest and most painful trips of my life, and to be honest, I don't feel very adequate for the job, and yet I know without a shadow of a doubt, it will be a time of deep fellowship with Jesus, identifying with Him in many ways, watching Him pour out His unfailing love upon our family in our utter dependence upon Him, and just being with them, walking along side and sharing their pain.

I was reading yesterday a lovely and true statement from Dear Jesus, one of my daily devotionals. It read, "But I (Jesus) have showered you with humble, rarely sought gifts; neediness and weaknesses. These gifts, properly received and used, help make My ways known on earth."
Isn't that a redeeming and wonderful way to navigate through hard places?
Love to all, I may not have time to write for a while, but, as they say, "I'll be back!"
ever grateful for that

Saturday ramblings....

It's kind of weird writing to no one, really. I get an occasional comment, from close friends, but my most faithful comment givers are the guys selling porn on the internet. I guess they didn't really get the post about trading in your sin and guilt for peace and joy. They probably had a great big laugh and think that I get mad when they continually comment. Well, I don't. I'm just delighted they like to read about birds in my bird bath, sunlight traveling around the rooms in our house, my favorite aprons, and the pain in my heart caused by the terminal illness of our precious son-in-law. I hope they read about the hope that is there too, hope put there by the promise of life eternal if you belong to the family of God. I just ask one thing of this bunch....that they write their comments in English. If I could give them the great news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their language, I would.

I have a favorite person whose quotes set me on fire when I was much younger. Her name is Sister Mary Corita. Today I ran across a little journal where I had written many of them down. I will close with a few choice ones:

"To believe in God is to die and not be embarrassed."
"To believe in God is to get high on love enough to look down at your loneliness and forget it forever!"
"To believe in God is more than I need to make believing more than making believe."

Oh! I love this one from God:
"God is dead."--Nietzsche
"Nietzsche is dead." --God

ever grateful for eternal life in Christ Jesus

bird bathing

What is it about a bird taking a good, vigorous, extra splashy bath in our fountain that perks me up no matter what circumstance I am in? All that wiggling and vibrating serve as a very effective little sprinkler system, watering flowers and plants all around. I have a friend who's fountain inspired mine, and birds line up there for a bath like cars in a car wash line! That is my goal, to have them line up for their turn. So far, Robins and Brown Thrashers top the list of daily bathers. Sparrows love it and take the longest to finish their business. I am waiting for a chickadee to find the perfect little rock in it to perch upon and stop my heart (not permanently of course.)
God does exactly what He says He does in providing for even the birds, knowing what they need without them asking. Could I trust with such abandon as a little bird?

A sad phone call put me into a 'what-if' state of mind this morning. Watching the birds has been comforting to me---watching them stay in the moment, enjoying what is put before them without anxiety over tomorrow. Living like that would bring a "beautiful simplicity to my life; a time for everything, and everything in its time." Is what I am worrying about part of today's portion for me? If it isn't, would I release it into God's care and go on about today's duties?
Thank you, little birds. Your were God's visual today in the "Learning More About Trust" crash course He has assigned me.
ever grateful for that

Would you consider taking what is mine?

I am dedicating this post to you, my mysterious Japanese, Chinese, or some other "eese" reader that sends me comments that lead to your porn site. At first, I was so thrilled that someone outside my little world was reading about my views on life and sharing the same grateful responses to God's care--thrilled until I clicked on your comment.
That is when I discovered your trick, a subtle plan to somehow lure me into your world view.
It amazes me and encourages me that you continue to read about my joy, my pain, my faith, my woodpile and my little fountain. Perky breasts seem to be your cup of tea,(I admit I wish mine were more so) and yet you read about the thrill a first hyacinth brings me and how I am trusting God with everything and everyone I hold dear. Trust is an alluring topic, don't you agree?

Oh dear searching one. First, let me assure you that I have discovered by God's good grace, that indeed, without surrendering to His compelling love in my life, I, like you, am capable of anything that would eventually break my heart and the hearts of my family, foster lust and pride in my mind, and lead me to loneliness and despair. But, hear this! There is a choice that is offered us. It is as much for me as for you. It is for every empty, broken, rich, poor, healthy, sick, and living soul on the planet.
It is Jesus. The same Jesus that sees your life and mine, sees we can never be with Him in paradise because of our sin, sees that without His rescue we will perish, forever.
Oh reader, would you consider taking what is mine? It is a commodity that never runs out, there is always enough to share.You would be taking hope, taking peace of mind and heart, taking joy and clean fun, even taking pain (which you will have, by the way) and being able to walk in it with the comfort of Jesus by your side.
The world you are living in seems to have the answer to your constant pursuit of happiness and satisfaction. It is a lie....there is no true satisfaction outside of knowing God. All else is temporary, needing to be constantly refilled for one more moment of counterfeit happiness.
I am praying for you dear reader; praying for you, not because I am looking down on you and seeing myself as better. I am praying for you because Jesus has shown me we are all alike. I just have met Him first. He has paid for what I have done, and in my heart that is full of self-interest, will do again. I want you to have what I have... a confidence in a Savior that has saved me from myself, a love that never fails, a peace the world cannot give, and a life that never ends.
"For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He even gave up His only Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish-come to destruction, be lost-but have eternal and ever lasting life.
For God did not send the Son into the world in order to judge-to reject, to condemn, to pass sentence on-the world;but that the world (you and me) might find salvation and be made safe and sound through Him. John 3:16,17 (amplified version)
For that I am forever grateful! May we be safe together....